Last night I was kidnapped by from my bed and forced by the bipeds to sit on this step, in this outfit for 90 minutes. I was told that is some sort of tradition, a tradition I don’t necessarily need to be a part of. As for the dining options for the evening, chocolate. WTF!!!! Do they even know I can’t eat chocolate?! Perhaps if you are going to force a dog to sit outside (of his bed) at the very least he could be provided with some sort of bacon related cuisine. Chocolate sucks kids, you should look those who offer it to you in the face as you publicly shame them for such an insult. And don’t get me started at this whole costume thing. Fine if you want to dress up like Spiderman, Captain America, some sort of Beyonce/Iron Man hybrid, FDR, fine, have at you, do as you like, but… LEAVE ME OUT OF IT! I am a dog, I am literally covered in fur. I have a costume I can never take off, I dress up like the wolfman every day.
I suggest that next year at this time we celebrate Tikiween, and let me sleep for the love of God. Do you have any idea how winded I was after sitting there for 90 minutes being petted like some sort of common stuffed animal? I may not behave as such, but I am very much alive and should be treated with the dignity and respect that a semi-animate object deserves.
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