Oct 04

Introducing the tPhone!


Why should Apple get to have all the fun? Since you humans possess an incessant requirement for new technology, I figured it was high time for good old Tiki to cash in. Get ready to wait outside all night in the freezing cold (and hopefully rain), drop down 700 big ones (my price point is a bit higher than Apple’s), for what many pundits are labeling the greatest technological game changer since Friendster.

Aside from cost, there are few similarities between the tPhone’s features and most of those found on other smart phones. For example, the current build of the tPhone is screenless. The tPhone is all about end-user experience, we’ve done away with the superfluous add ons so commonly seen on smartphones. There is no qwerty keyboard, or actually any keyboard for that matter, Wifi has been disabled (rather never actually installed), no GPS, no hard drive, no processor, no camera, no music, no actual phone capabilities and quite frankly, it really isn’t all that portable.  Also, none of your favorite apps will work either.

However, the tPhone does ship with “tSleep” the killer App that is sure to take Silicon Valley by storm. tSleep focuses on the utilization of the key hardware component of the tPhone. On the back side of the tPhone is the single point of user interface, a generously sized snooze button. The size of the snooze button denotes that is not meant to be interfaced with by the tap or swipe of a finger, instead the placement of a head onto the button initiates tSleep. This is when the tPhone really kicks into high gear, the user is engulfed in billowy sensations as tSleep effortlessly merges man and machine. tSleep is a tPhone exclusive and delivers an experience unfound on it’s rivals.


Yes, the tPhone offers a truly unique mobile experience, however, rest assured we at tPhone promise to release the tPhoneS in a matter of months, rendering the tPhone obsolete and the subject of ridicule and deserved shaming, We also promise to release a new version of tOS that will, in all likelihood, leave you regretting ever updating. Even with such great innovation, some familiar practices must be integrated, if it ain’t broke, fix it and charge more for it!


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