Category Archive: Uncategorized

Oct 04

Introducing the tPhone!

Why should Apple get to have all the fun? Since you humans possess an incessant requirement for new technology, I figured it was high time for good old Tiki to cash in. Get ready to wait outside all night in the freezing cold (and hopefully rain), drop down 700 big ones (my price point is a …

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Jul 17

Tiki Drinks Suck

Harken back to your youthful years, that summer you spent in the city, interning at that fortune 500 company as just another nameless entity. You strived for more, to learn the necessary skills that would one day catapult you to the top of the heap of corporate America. However, there was nothing more sweet than …

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Jan 09

The Polar Vortex Is Just Cold Weather.

Sorry for the absence my loyal followers, I’ve recently moved from Brooklyn to Boston and am finally getting into a bit of a groove and decided to break out the old laptop. Scratch that, I’m not sorry, be thankful for what you get, deal with it. How’s that for a cold reception? Speaking of the …

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Sep 19

This is Bull@#%&!!!

About four weeks ago my favorite human (the female biped) went missing for a few days, no biggie, I understand that she travels for work and I respect that. Unfortunately that usually means I am left alone with the male biped, a truly loathsome creature whom I despise. Strangely this time he was also missing …

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Aug 15

I Have a Twin Brother!

These are the moments we live for. Imagine my surprise upon realizing that all my life my mirror image has been out there, roaming the streets, blissfully unaware of my existence, just as I was his. Today is a magical day, we are reunited and will never be apart again. To those of you who …

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Jun 20

I Joined a Gang!

A funny thing happens when a dog is sent to the groomer, this cursed individual cuts your hair, bathes you and subsequently cages you, all against your will. The point of interest occurs right before the moment of pet retrieval, for some inexplicable reason, groomers feel the need to accessorize dogs, as we if we haven’t …

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Jun 10

I’m so Alone.

I stand alone, a single pekingese lost in the vast expanse of humanity, I am but dust in the wind. For two weeks now I have been left alone, forced to fend for myself with no human companionship… Except for that guy. My human has left me. I live in an apartment in Brooklyn with …

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May 02

Stairs are the Creation of the Devil.

I made it this far, you do the rest. Seriously, I have a two step maximum and even that’s pushing it. Who in their right mind decided to make buildings more than one floor? Once this horrendous decision was made this forced all architects to use the bane of my existence… Stairs. You have to …

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Apr 10

The 2013 NCAA Champion is the Loui… Ah Who Cares?

If that team above were playing, now that would be something to write home about. Sports are dumb. I’ll say it again. Sports are dumb. Let that soak in. Are you humans that bored that you have to revert to playing games to keep yourselves entertained? Why do you constantly go so far out of …

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Mar 29

This an Outrage!

I was awakened yesterday by the male biped, from a very rewarding and much deserved post sleep nap. Naturally I hate being disturbed while deep in RPM sleep, that’s rapid paw movement sleep, you know all of us dogs dream of running while sleeping right? At least I do ’cause there’s no way I am …

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