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Nov 08

Your President In A Perfect World

You humans amuse me, you really do. I recently discovered that you do something called an election to choose who will be your new leader, at least here in what I believe is called the Unified Regions of American or something. I find this concept to be hilarious. Look at it from my point of view, all I want to do is chill, stay in my bed, not move for perhaps days at a time, pretty basic. Unfortunately for me I have these two biped roommates, constantly trying to get me to do things, got out for a walk, eat, breath, open my eyes, blink my eyes, it never ends! These are two tyrant dictators that have been thrust upon me against my will, yet you humans openly accept and desire leadership. Then I learned that this seems to be a topic of great debate over who it is will control you for the subsequent four years. Wake up humans, taxes, war, spending, none of these are worthwhile issues within the confines of one’s bed nestled deep within a magical wonderland of slumber. As my great great grandfather Abraham Tikidiah once said, “Resuscitation without┬áhibernation is tyranny!”

Allow me to suggest perhaps a new form of leadership for you simple back-leg-walkers, not a democracy, or monarchy or dictatorship, but a new revolutionary form of government tailored specifically for those who desire to live without the reigns of government tugged at their leash. ANARTIKI! That’s right, do whatever you want! You want to sleep, well then sleep, you want to go for a walk, enjoy, just let me and my followers be. The benefits of a no party system are abundant, never waking up means taxes never need to be paid, unconsciousness negates any need for healthcare and how can any government possibly overspend if it is constantly counting sheep? Think about it my children you have four years to open your eyes, or better yet to leave them shut.

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