Jun 10

I’m so Alone.


I stand alone, a single pekingese lost in the vast expanse of humanity, I am but dust in the wind. For two weeks now I have been left alone, forced to fend for myself with no human companionship… Except for that guy. My human has left me. I live in an apartment in Brooklyn with two human roommates, unfortunately, times being what they are, I was forced to take them in to ease the increasing cost of rent. I like the female human very much, she is without question, my favorite individual in the entire human race (not that impressive of a title, so few of you humans hold any value at all). The male human on the other hand, him I could do without. He’s always quick to point out that if it weren’t for him, no one would feed or walk me and take me to the vet. Well way to go princess, I hate two of those three things with every fiber of my soul. I’ll be the first to admit I can be a little high maintenance, I demand attention. If you’re reading a magazine, I want to be in front of the magazine, if you are going to watch a movie, I am going to sit on your lap, if you are going to boil edamame, I am going to eat the edamame. Why are people so surprised that I love edamame? It’s delicious and good for you, I may be a dog but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a sophisticated palate. You can have those milk bones Fido, I’ll be over here eating pressed duck with a nice glass of Bordeaux¬†thank you very much. The male human does not tend to my needs in an expedient or appreciative manner, this is why I dislike him so.

I’ve overheard a phone call and now know that the female human will be returning in a few days, not a moment too soon! I am so tired of the male human, all he does is watch horror movies and play video games. Perhaps when the female returns I’ll approach the idea of him moving out, the female and I can afford the place on our own. I think she’ll go for it! I can’t wait until she gets back. Have you ever seen a dog’s reaction when they haven’t seen their human for a long time? It’s chaos! I plan on doing that for 5-10 minutes and then going back to bed.

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